A low key weekend.

There have been so many sweet moments this past weekend – whenever Raj asks Reizo where mama is, he stops whatever he is doing, searches for and finds me (and likewise for Raj). We chat about getting rid of our glass table for fear of Reizo knocking it down. I didn’t realize that climbing on it would also be a concern…

We noticed that someone’s hair is growing in, making him rock and roll, through and through.

I’d like to report calm, restful afternoons but this baby had other plans. He climbed couches, bolted up the stairs and tried to eat every cord in the house. The scene below lasted about 30 seconds. Raj and I were both exhausted and managed to convince Reizo that “finding” us while we hid under the covers was the most exciting game to play over and over again.

Raj is in full swing school wise and Reizo and I are continuing to develop a nice weekly routine. We are going to the gym three to four times a week and I’m loving the exercise and quiet moments. He is quite enamored with the women in the gym’s daycare and insists that they cuddle and hold him most of the time he is there. He started going there three months ago and they just realized that he can crawl! Which he has been doing since before he started going there. Sneaky boy.

Hmmm…..

Must get baby monitor.

Little r.

This baby loves to turn the page,

eat dal,

unravel rolls of toilet paper,

pull,

and crawl up the stairs.

9 months later.

You don’t always have to hold your head higher than your heart – Jack Johnson

I was afraid of postpartum depression during my pregnancy – I went to therapy, hoping to thwart my chances of experiencing it. I’ve played tug of war with depression in my past and worried about a recurrence. The initial postpartum period was normal – hormonal changes, fleeting sleep and an “I hope that I am doing this right” mindset.

Adrenaline and lots of travel distracted me from examining my emotional health during Reizo’s first six months. I recognized all the signs of depression, but told myself that my schedule was the reason I felt down and exhausted all the time. I kept telling myself that I just needed more rest, more exercise, healthier food, etc. I was confused – everyone says that becoming a new parent is overwhelming, but when does overwhelming become inappropriate?

The joy of parenting Reizo during these past nine months has been accompanied by some seriously low emotions and sad thoughts. Some justified by external circumstances and some that jumped up out of nowhere and punched me in the face.

I started sleeping more over the past month and a half and it became very clear that I have been struggling with ppd. I got more rest, ate better, worked out and had the energy to see (feel?) how low I was. I talked to my therapist, met with a doc and got some meds. And the clouds parted and out popped the sun. I feel myself emerging and am glad to see that girl come around.

My anger dissipated, I can think clearly and my heart beats a bit faster every time I hear Reizo laugh. Letting him crawl on the hardwood floor no longer stresses me out, I can leave him at the gym daycare without feeling anxious and seeing him throw his food all over the floor makes me laugh. All of these would have made me want to cry or scream weeks ago.

Now I see this sweet boy who tries to clap while hopping on both knees, likes to push his car around the room endlessly, says good, good when he eats something yummy and who is obsessed with trying to pull out the Christmas tree lights. A bubbu bear who gives a naughty look after we tell him no and who gave his first unsolicited hug to Raj two days ago.

HO HO HO

Imagine Reizo’s surprise when all these children lined up to sit on his lap.

We’re still here!

and emerging from a period of sleeplessness and teething. Reizo is now rocking seven teeth, three of which came in at the same time and one that followed a week later. I’m happy to report that I’ve been getting more sleep since this past Wednesday night and am pleasantly surprised to discover that I am no longer mentally counting down the seconds till bedtime (I was dong this all day long).

This sweet baby is now standing, sniffle sniffle. He loves to say dada and quickly looks toward Raj when you say dada in front of him. Nothing on the mama front, he just goes about his business and plays.

One of my favorite moments happened this past weekend. We took Reizo to a party at Raj’s colleague's home and sat in on a jam session. Reizo LOVED it. I have never seen him smile as much as he did while watching them play their instruments. He was waving his arms and singing.

Here is some cuteness:

Thankful.